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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Rivalry Week: I hate BYU!

Well, it's finally here again! Actually, it doesn't seem like it was that long ago that these two teams last met on the field. What a glorious day that was.

Last season, I posted this list of the reasons I don't like BYU. I'd like to revisit it. My feelings about BYU will never change, but since they're constantly finding new ways to be obnoxious, here are this year's top 10 reasons for hating BYU:

10. If you've a Ute fan, you've undoubtedly heard BYU fans refer to our football program as "Little Brother". I can't tell you how stupid I think that is. I can't understand where this term came from. Our programs is older than theirs, so age has nothing to do with it... Are they saying their program has had more success? Well, no, that can't be it either. Utah owns the series by 20 games. Surely it can't be because they have a national championship. Because any bonehead would have to recognize that if the same bogus system that awarded them that national title were still in place today, Utah would have TWO national championships (instead, a new bogus system is in place...). Are they saying that their recent success makes them our "big brother"? Well no, because Utah has gone undefeated twice in the last 5 years, won 2 BCS bowls, won 5 of the last 7 Holy Wars, and 8 bowl games in a row. BYU can't say they've done any of that. So I am left to conclude that the only reason we are "Little Brother" is this: We all know that every Cougar fan has the Book of Mormon memorized (they're just all so very righteous...). So they MUST be referring to the fact that Nephi (aka "Little Brother") was made a ruler and a teacher over his elder bretheren. That's GOT to be it.

9. This was, in all seriousness, said to my father at church last sunday. Please understand that this was not said in a joking manner. The man who said it was as serious as a heart attack. My dad asked this BYU fan in the ward how he thought the game will go this Saturday. The man's response: "BYU's going to win. They've got more returned missionaries on their team, so the Lord will bless them." WHA....??? Seriously??? And I have to say, he's not alone in this school of thought. Remember the imfamous quote by Austin Collie? You do. I know you do.

8. Bronco Mendenhall. This guy is just... it's so hard to even put in words. He is the epitome of what I don't want the world to think members of the church are like. He's arrogant, he's weird, and he ALWAYS make football about religion. What I wouldn't give for a chance to punch that guy in the face.

7. Speaking of coaches... BYU fans seem to take great pleasure in bringing up the fact that coach Whittingham played his college football at BYU. I always hear things like "It took a cougar to turn your program around!" Guys, get over it. Yeah, he went to BYU. He was there for 4 years and he's coached at Utah for over 15 years. And while we're on the subject, your golden boy LaVell Edwards played his college ball at Utah State, and earned his masters degree from the University of Utah. So if you really wanna play that card, it took a Ute to guide BYU to ALL of the success their program has EVER had.

6. Idiot fans. Please understand that what I'm about to say does not apply to all BYU fans. And I am able to admit that there are idiots at every school, and the U is no exception. But come on. You know the guys I'm talking about. The guy from number 9 for example. Or how about this guy. And definitely this guy. It's the arrogance. The "holier than thou" attitudes. Those are the fans I can't stand.

5. Speaking of fans, why do so many of you guys pretend you don't care about the rivalry game? That drives me nuts! You do care -- I know you do. How do I know? Because when you guys win, all I hear for the next 12 months are clever little quips such as "Hey, Harline is still open!" or "4th and 18!". So seriously, don't give me that bull. It is such an obvious ploy. Pretend you don't care so that when you lose, you can continue pretending you don't care.

4. Why on earth do you people sing "Popcorn Popping" (complete with actions) at your football games?! News flash: people already think Mormons are weird. Is this really necessary?

3. Traitors. Harvey Unga and Manase Tonga, I'm talking to YOU!

2. Here's a double-standard for you. Bronco always goes on and on about how BYU gets it done with returned missionaries. He seems to think that going on a mission is a pretty important thing to do. Couldn't agree more. In fact, at age 19, it is THE MOST important thing to be doing. So why then, does BYU distract young men who are on missions by recruiting them while they are on their missions?! BYU has a nasty habbit of stealing away athletes who have already committed to other schools. Somehow these guys commit to some other school, go on their missions, and come back Cougars. Fishy. Actually some guys are so distracted, they don't even finish their missions. *cough* Max Hall *cough* Sorry, but I think it is absolutely unacceptable for a school that is owned by the church to distract these guys while they're supposed to be focused on missionary service. A lot of these guys have a hard time making the decision to do the right thing and put their football careers on hold to go serve missions. Pretty shady.

1. Just because they're BYU.

Happy rivalry week, and GO UTES!!